my inner struggle

NEW WOMAN – ME!  no 13

caught up as I am
in the maelstrom of events,
an as yet undecided
head-on collision
of conflicting emotions
is erupting in me —
the force of the fire which is the source
of the struggle for my basic rights
also feeds the asphyxiating smoke
of hate and aggression

helped by the chill
of indifference in me
my passion to survive whole and intact
is fighting
to control the fire

as long as there remains
a sufficiently warming
spark of love in me
I will not give a chance
to the asphyxiating smoke
of lethal aggression

© Tina van Lieshout
translation John Wijngaards

MEDITATIONS

desert journey three selves in me me broken in pieces male and female my choice irrepressible thrust the money dragon and the religion dragon evolving identity women carry the church

the force of time I accuse women I accuse men my inner struggle past present future my dream and God saw that it was very good phallus worship on the way

Tina van Lieshout was a Dutch Catholic woman who felt called to the priesthood. Her diocese refused her admission to the priestly formation programme which she challenged in high-profile court cases. She lost. Being both a gifted artist and poet, she described her despair in a series of paintings and meditations. But she also expressed through them her determination to realise her potential as a free and equal person.  Her work was published in the Dutch book Ook in de Naam van de Moeder en de Dochter [= ‘Also in the Name of the Mother and the Daughter’], Wilco, Amersfoort 2000. She died in 2010.