irrepressible thrust in me

NEW WOMAN – ME!  no  6

out of the security of my small little world
I was rudely shaken and woken up
irrepressibly a thrust flamed up in me
to understand myself anew

imprisoned in the chaos of my fear
I had to free myself from my own self
so chained as I was to people around me…
I had to be free for
he/she–who-is

I, so chained as I was
at my roots and crown

© Tina van Lieshout
translation John Wijngaards

MEDITATIONS

desert journey three selves in me me broken in pieces male and female my choice irrepressible thrust the money dragon and the religion dragon evolving identity women carry the church

the force of time I accuse women I accuse men my inner struggle past present future my dream and God saw that it was very good phallus worship on the way

Tina van Lieshout was a Dutch Catholic woman who felt called to the priesthood. Her diocese refused her admission to the priestly formation programme which she challenged in high-profile court cases. She lost. Being both a gifted artist and poet, she described her despair in a series of paintings and meditations. But she also expressed through them her determination to realise her potential as a free and equal person.  Her work was published in the Dutch book Ook in de Naam van de Moeder en de Dochter [= ‘Also in the Name of the Mother and the Daughter’], Wilco, Amersfoort 2000. She died in 2010.