Benjamin James Brenkert, A CATECHISM OF THE HEART. A Jesuit Missioned to the Laity, Wipf and Stock, Eugene OR 2020.

This is a captivating book, candid, upsetting, thought-provoking, profoundly personal and yet revealing an evil that scars many people’s lives.

Brenkert grew up in a troubled working class New York home. He narrates in detail how he as a teenager and adult discovered his gay sexuality. He describes his many sexual adventures in high school, in a Marist College, in the Jesuit noviciate. I would not be surprised if some readers dismiss the author’s account as the sad story of a man who has lost his way. But that would be a serious misjudgement.

The value of this book lies in its being an honest testimony. I consider the honesty that shines through as the book highest quality. Yes, Brenkert is not a saint, nor does he claim to be. But he describes vividly the struggles, the agony, the utter desperation of a Catholic who feels rejected by the Church as a misfit.  Church authorities should carefully take note of his anguish, for Brenkert is a spokesperson for many sincere Catholics throughout the world.

For while wrestling with his sexual nature, Brenkert was and is also a deeply spiritual man. I am impressed by what he says about his reaching out to God, and in particular Jesus Christ, in prayer. There is no doubt about his feeling called to the priesthood for all the right reasons. Thus it was all the more painful for him to be condemned for his homosexuality both by his family and by many in the Church. And here we meet the core of what his book is really about.

“I was a mess, plagued by so many conflicting feelings about myself. On the one hand I accepted my being gay but on the other an inner voice chastised me for it, saying maybe the church is right in condemning homosexuality. But then another voice would fight back: God made me this way and He loves me for who I am. This back and forth of alternating voices was going on all the time.”

Brenkert’s merit is that, in spite of all opposition, he discovered and affirmed the principle that gays and lesbians should be fully accepted for what they are.

“If my church doesn’t accept me as a gay person, as a member in full communion (good standing) with the Church, she then is denying, if not destroying, my identity. Some would argue: why do you care if you’re accepted or not? I care because I am a Catholic; my family is Catholic; and many of my friends are Catholic. Catholicism is in my bones, my DNA. And if the church in her ignorance rejects me, then I will do all I can to convince her to accept me and every other gay person in the world.”

As a Jesuit in temporary vows and as a theologian studying for the priesthood Brenkert was repeatedly advised by his superiors to hide his homosexuality. It would harm his career, they said. He met a number of priests and religious who were gay but refused to admit this openly. Brenkert rightly sees this as an error and a great injustice. If God has made them gay, why should these authorities not publicly acknowledge they are gay? If they did, they would encourage other gay persons to embrace their sexuality and not feel it as a guilty secret they need to repress.

My final observation about this book is this: Brenkert is obviously very intelligent. He must have considered the reasons for which the official Church denounces homosexual acts: their presumingly going against the law of nature imposed by the Creator and biblical texts that seem to forbid them. The Wijngaards Institute has recently conducted in-depth international research that proves these reasons to be wrong, see https://www.wijngaardsinstitute.com/academic-statement-ethics-same-sex-relationships/ But Brenkert does not mention those reasons or expand on them. And he is right. The thrust of his book is different. It is a testimony of the heart, of his deep Catholic sense of faith, the instinctive insight about what is right and what is wrong emerging from every believer’s conscience and power of reason.

The book can be obtained from Amazon or directly from the publisher: www.wipfandstock.com .

John Wijngaards